Eating and drinking my way through life and learning all the while

For the first time I feel trapped

There are worse places to get stuck than in the Caribbean. I feel blessed for sure to be here. Yes, I can’t yet go outside – the beaches are tantalisingly close, but curfew here means I can’t actually set foot on one.

I’ve got through the first few weeks of self-isolation, I’m able to hang with my family – the sun is shining, I’ve started to do yoga, soca dance, exercise – life is good. I’m lucky enough to still be able to work, my clients are all understanding – no one is going anywhere for now anyway, no face to face meetings to be had, no events to be organised. I’ve always planned to work remotely and now I’m proving I can literally work from anywhere.

I’ve not felt trapped until now.

While my husband is very understanding of my need to be here, I’d said the only time I’d move heaven and earth to get home was if my sister got sick. She is one of the 1.5million told to stay home for the next 12 weeks as she has lung complications. Well she is not sick, but I am freaking out. My niece may have Corona Virus, my sister has been advised to self-isolate from a 10-year-old. As a single mum that just isn’t practical.

But I really can’t get off this island. All flights in and out have been cancelled.

If I could get home I would. I’d make a virtual wall between them both and put myself in the middle. But I can’t. I’ve not felt stuck here before now. But right now, I’m truly stuck. I feel sick. I can’t sleep.

My head is spinning. I make a bunch of calls. Bully my brothers, annoy the hell out of my sister. In the end, is what it is. A hot mess and we just have to wait it out. Calculating from when my niece got sick, we have a nerve wracking 10 days of waiting to see if my sister has been affected.

My brain is whirring through scenarios I don’t even want to think about. I ask, no tell my husband we will look after Lex, right?!? I semi plan a life of responsibility for a young child.

14 days have passed. My niece is fine. My sister too. I can breathe again.

I’m still here in Antigua but no longer feel trapped in this paradise I can enjoy being here again.


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